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Over the years, it has been erroneously believed that sexual dysfunction is peculiar more to men but I would love to say that it is a 50-50 thing, with both man and woman. So, starting today, we shall be examining that of women.
One … Although not openly discussed, sexual dysfunction is a common concern experienced by many wives. Problems may occur during any phase of the sexual response cycle (excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution) that prevent most wives from experiencing sexual satisfaction. Many wives are reluctant or embarrassed to discuss their sexual problems with their husbands, but it’s important to let your husband know what is going on with you; a problem shared is a problem 75 per cent solved. And I also encourage wives to also share with a certified sex therapist what they are experiencing since most cases of sexual dysfunction can be treated.
Two … Sexual dysfunction can have physical or psychological causes. Physical causes include diabetes, heart disease, neurological diseases, hormonal imbalances, menopause, chronic diseases such as kidney disease or liver failure, alcoholism, drug abuse and side effects of common, over-the-counter medications, including antidepressant drugs. Psychological causes of sexual dysfunction can include stress from house chores, school runs, career runs anxiety, concerns about sexual performance, relationship problems with husbands, in-laws and bosses at work, depression, feelings of guilt and extreme anger and effects of a past sexual trauma, maybe rape or some brutal sexual experiences.
Three … The most common types of sexual dysfunction many women complain of are inhibited sexual desire, inability to become aroused, lack of orgasm, inability to climax, painful intercourse and just simple fear.
Four … When it comes to inhibited sexual desire, it is simply lack of sexual desire or lack of interest in sex. This can have many causes, including when a wife feels or notices she is not being loved by her husband or when there are striking hormonal changes as a result of certain medical conditions and treatments.
Five … We also have a situation when the woman has inability to become aroused regardless of all form of love play the husband might put up. This could be because of insufficient vaginal lubrication to trigger arousal during sexual activity. Inability to be aroused may also result from anxiety or inadequate sexual stimulation and experience. Problem of blood flow to the vagina and clitoris may also affect lubrication and arousal especially when the woman has undergone the second or third-degree female genital mutilation popularly known as female circumcision.
Six … We also have the lack of orgasm in the sex life of the women. Medically, the absence of sexual climax (orgasm) is called anorgasmia. In this case, many factors can contribute to this state in a woman which include sexual inhibition, inexperience, or lack of knowledge. Psychological problem is also a contributory effect such as when a lady is overly anxious or she is bastardised by a past sexual trauma or abuse. Insufficient stimulation, drugs or medications and chronic diseases can also result in lack of orgasm.
Seven … Very fearful painful sexual intercourse can be a reason many wives shy away from sex even though they love it and want to have a good one and also wish to give their husbands the best. Medically, this can be as a result of a number of conditions such as endometriosis, a pelvic mass, ovarian cysts, vaginitis, poor lubrication, vaginal dryness, the presence of scar tissue from bad episiotomy cuts, or some other surgery or an untreated degenerated sexually transmitted disease. We also have the case of a painful, involuntary spasm of the muscles that surround the vaginal entrance. This is a condition called vaginismus that may occur in women who fear that penetrative sex will always be painful. This is called sexual phobia or previous traumatic or painful sexual experience.
Eight … In spite of the above stated cases in women, sexual stimulation can be enhanced naturally to help overcome many sexual dysfunction cases. For instance, just changing a couple’s sexual routine or use of educative and informative erotic videos or books has greatly helped a lot of marriages.
Nine … Besides this, I always encourage spouses to look for an avenue where both can provide distraction techniques for one another. For example, anxiety may be alleviated with distraction. Erotic or non-erotic healthy sexual fantasies can be useful. Romantic music, videos, or television soap opera has always worked for many wives; it can also distract and help such women relax.
Ten … I have seen many wives with sexual dysfunction challenges receive help just by encouraging both husband and wife to observe a non-coital behaviours. In a non-coital behaviour, couples are encouraged to fully engage in other behaviours that do not involve intercourse such as sensual massage. This helps many wives to feel more comfortable with their sexuality and feel less pressure and anxiety surrounding sexual activity.
Eleven … Over the years, I have treated many wives whose major complaint about sex is pain during sex simply with change of position. When and if sexual dysfunction is due to pain, sometimes changing sexual positions could greatly help minimise or eliminate the pain. Vaginal lubricants [please not Vaseline or any solidified oil, this is dangerous please] may relieve pain caused by friction and relaxation before intercourse (warm or very cold bath) may decrease pain responses.
Twelve … The female hormones play a large role in sexual function in women. As women age, the hormone, estrogen, decreases, which can lead to poor vaginal lubrication and decreased genital sensation. Low levels of the male hormone testosterone in women may also contribute to less sexual arousal, genital sensation and orgasm.
BY Funmi Akingbade
Source: The Punch News
Thirteen … Hysterectomy which is a surgical removal of the female reproductive organ, has an effect on the woman’s sexual function. This is because the hormonal changes associated with the removal of the ovaries during this surgical operation may result in loss of desire, decreased vaginal lubrication and genital sensation. Nerves and blood vessels linked to sexual functioning may also be damaged during the surgery. Finally, some women may become depressed or feel a loss of self-esteem when their uterus is removed. That may make it hard for them to engage sexually following the procedure. There are three types of this surgery; we have subtotal or partial, this is when the body of the uterus is removed. We also have total; this is when the body of the uterus and the cervix is removed. We also have the radical; this is when the whole body of the uterus with the cervix and part of the vagina and some part of the fallopian tubes and the ovaries are removed.
Fourteen … The menopausal stages in women also affect their sexual function and may lead to sexual dysfunction. This is because menopause and the associated loss of estrogen can affect women’s sexual function such as a loss of vaginal lubrication and genital sensation. Other emotional aspects of menopause may contribute to a loss of interest in sex or inability to become aroused. However, many postmenopausal women have increased sexual satisfaction. This is thought to be due to less anxiety about getting pregnant or having the time to relax and enjoy being intimate with their partners.
Fifteen … When it comes to sexual dysfunction in men, we cannot over-emphasise the issue of premature ejaculation, weak ejaculation, quick ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, loss of libido and low testosterone. But my emphasis today is more on the perception of sexual performance in men than the organ of sexuality or the functionality. In the movies, sex always looks great. But if you’re like a lot of married men, sex may not be as good as you think it could be. You might feel anxiety, concerns about your performance, or even self-consciousness about your body. No matter what the scenario, it just feels like you’re not having sex as often as everyone else. Sex therapists found out that young men think about sex about 19 times per day (as compared to young women who think about it 10 times daily). Despite it being on men’s minds much of the time, many married men still remain confused about what great sex is and how to have it. Men face both mental barriers and physical barriers to great sex. They may be plagued with self-doubt and cling to myths and wrong perception of sex.
Sixteen … “Great sex is actually in the eye of the beholder or the be-hander,” For some married men, it might be the ability to produce fantabulous multiple orgasms in their wives. While for other husbands, it might mean being able to last for close to 15 minutes. But being a great lover means becoming a great lover to your wife and if more of emotional intimacy is developed between husband and their wives, many of these challenges disappear.
Seventeen … So, husbands remember to employ a good pillow talk when you desire a good sex; it is important. Aside from kissing and other sexual activities, talk with your wife about what you want and tell your wife what you know they also will want and like. It’s about being open and trusting. If you get to know yourself and your wife, you’ll have a much more erotic and explosive sexual relationship.
Eighteen … Never, never and never compare your sex life with pornography. Unfortunately, many husbands may learn a lot of what they know about sex from pornography. The problem with that is women and men who appear in porn are often in great physical shape. Both women and men are well-endowed which can create unrealistic expectations and it is never an ideal scenario at all. They are under the influence of drugs and the scrutinising eyes of the instructor and cameras. One of the most destructive myths of porn is that it convinces so many husbands that their penis is too small, but they forget that pornography is self-selecting… These are not average men. They’re the extreme end of the scale.
Nineteen … Other myths many husbands learn from pornography include the idea that women are always ready for sex; that the same moves work on every other woman including their wives all the time, and that sex always ends in orgasm. Watching pornography and using it as an ideal sex standard is like watching a car chase in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s not the way to drive.
Twenty … If husbands can focus on achieving pleasurable sensations, sex will be great, the fact is stress, anxiety and distractions can lead to less satisfying sex. Leave the stress of the job at work and minimise your anxiety about your performance. This focus is a technique ranging from eye-gazing to massage and synchronised breathing that help keep the man in the moment. I need husbands to remember that great sex happens in the present. It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying about how quickly you’re going to ejaculate or climax etc; it is in the future.
Twenty-one … Husbands, please don’t forget to talk to your wives. Lots of wives are very responsive to a man’s voice during lovemaking. If a husband has good verbal facility and can entice his wife through his voice, that can become a powerful part of his repertoire on sex bed.
Twenty-two … Lastly, it may sound mundane to schedule sex, but it can actually make it more relaxing with both spouses, to having more realistic expectations. “There’s this powerful mythology that says you should fall into each other’s arms spontaneously, with string music playing and the sun setting in the West, and if that doesn’t happen, there’s something wrong with you. But I have discovered that real life doesn’t work that way. Scheduling sex can also eliminate conflict over desire differences and remove the pressure to perform. I have heard many couples say, ‘What if I’m not in the mood?’ Well, one of the things about relationships is that you sometimes make compromises. But what astonishes people once they start scheduling sex is that they can actually enjoy it.
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